My husband, Matt and I had a conversation a few minutes ago that inspired me to write this blog. Because I think people need to see the beauty of a spouse being loved by a spouse after years of failure, pain and hurt.
He held me this morning as I started to plot the turkey cooking. He hugged me from behind. Normally, I’d say, “Stop! I’ve got so much to do!” But, I let him hold me. He kissed me on the cheek and said “I’m so grateful for you, our children and this life we have built.”
Ok his mushiness...makes me uncomfortable most of the time.
But, I stayed in his embrace, closed my eyes and soaked it in.
He continued, “Sometimes, even you need these moments and I know exactly when to give them to you even when you are saying mean things to me during that time of the month.” (Oooops...I blame hormones.)
Fuck, he’s right.
I needed to be held.
I needed to hear that I am loved.
I needed to hear him saying he knows what I need.
Because he does.
He asked, “Is it weird that I’m kind of happy we don’t have to do anything today?” To which I replied, “Nope, is it weird that I’ve never been happier in one of the craziest years on our planet? Like I can’t really find a complaint about being home and not doing anything. I’m probably in the minority that is enjoying 2020.” Matt (making a high five motion towards me) - “Oh my God, YES! Thank you for saying that! I feel so guilty saying that.”
Guilty for being happy.
Have we forgotten what it’s like to have the “American Dream?” Where home was the heart and center of everything? Have we created a world where you have to feel guilty for being happy? Has it become easier to share our losses, misery, pain and failures?
I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. It’s ok to embrace and acknowledge all of that.
BUT, it’s also OK to share the wins, happiness, highs, and success.
In order to move forward, we HAVE to share the good.
Why has sadness become the norm? Guilt, misery, hurt, pain...envy...all of it.
When does this madness stop? When are we going to see this doesn’t serve us any longer?
I am not saying to shut the World and all of its problems out. But, I will say...DO NOT LET IT INTO YOUR HOME. Close the door tight. Home should be our safety. If it’s not, find a new home.
God (or whatever/whoever you believe in) has been trying to awaken us to love, faith and grace this year.
Focus on HOME. Because it starts at home.
You can toss all the bullshit excuses you want our way. Matt and I have cheated, hurt and broke each other in more ways than you can imagine. We have sinned with the best of them. We have broken all the rules. We lived together before marriage. We had a child before marriage. We broke our vows. We pushed each other away. We’ve yelled at our kids. We’ve excluded family and friends. We’ve hurt people. We did therapy. We blamed each other. We blamed others.
But, for so long, we never took responsibility for our actions.
Once we decided that we were the only ones responsible for how our lives were going, we asked for forgiveness.
We’ve given forgiveness to each other and to others.
We kept choosing each other. For better or for worse.
Why am I sharing this? Because we usually only see the highlight REEL. Whether it's just the highs or just the lows, Social Media doesn’t show you what’s REAL.
Confession doesn’t just have to happen in church. It can happen in the shower when you’re at your most vulnerable point. It can happen at the kitchen sink. It can happen in the front seat of the car.
We confess our faults to each other.
We confess our sins.
We confess our deepest fears.
We confess our LOVE.
As you sit around the table today, take a moment to soak it all in.
Ask yourself: Where have I been letting my responsibility slip away from me? How can I love those closest to me better? How can I love MYSELF better?
The only way to “fix” this world is by bettering ourselves. To steal a line from my kids’ school: “In case no-one has told you today, you are loved.” Have a great day with your family and if you're not with them, call them.